April 2012
Writer's Block....I get it. I have it. So many things to write about, but unsure how to get the thoughts into words. A lot of it is very personal as well, so that makes it a bit tricky. How much does one want to share? I know for myself, it is very comforting when I know that others are, or have, experienced the same things I am experiencing. So with Kellyanne, when I have questions or thoughts or reach milestones, or fear them, I want the nitty gritty. I go in search of others who get what I am thinking, feeling, searching for.
I went on a retreat a couple of weeks ago, a Prayer Retreat, and it gave me time to talk to God uninterrupted and to listen to Him. I was praying for peace, the kind of peace that, despite any circumstances, keeps you grounded. My faith is a very important part of my life. Prayer, is a very important part of my life. Yet, I am not sure I really give either the time and attention they deserve. I realize they are both gifts that I have been given and have access to. I am ashamed too say, I sometimes take advantage of them.
Kellyanne is so much a part of this faith/prayer gift. She is a daily reminder that God is in control. A reminder that Jesus lives within each one of us and that He loves us......unconditionally! The other day she made a kind comment after I made a not so kind one and I said to her, 'Oh, God love you!' Her emphatic response was "No, Jesus loves me. In my heart!" God, Jesus, Holy Spirit - the Trinity. She 'gets' Jesus and I am comforted to know that Jesus 'gets' her. She goes back and forth on who she wants to pray with at night, me or Michael. I am efficient, Michael is thorough. And she without a doubt will ask for the person she wants to pray with. It's a very personal thing between us - and beautiful. Kellyanne LOVES church! We are so blessed to be part of a community of believers who truly love her and accept her. God is so good!!!
3 months later........
Before the post above (which is really just a draft). I had tried so many times to write - and couldn't.
The post itself is as relevant today as it was 3 months ago:
1. How much does one want to share?
2. Praying for peace, that despite any circumstances, keeps me grounded
3. God is in control
2 weeks ago Michael lost his job. Ouch! After 13 years of dedicated service, superb design work, and nary a sick day his boss blindsided him and "let him go". Why? Who knows.....we will never know. When he told me, I was shocked. But we immediately agreed on the fact that we were in this together and that the one thing no one could take away from us was our faith. We also agreed to follow God's will for this new chapter in our lives.
The very next day we hit the ground running. Our Pastor helped get us started. No time for "trying to make sense of it", "wallowing in self-pity", "getting stuck in anger" and certainly, no time for "pride". We needed to get the word out that Michael needed work. His dream has always been to be his own boss and do freelance design. We were tied to "anon inc." for benefits and security......uh yeah, that worked! So we are looking at this as an opportunity rather than a hardship. I have applied to the school system in the hopes of getting a para educator position in order to secure benefits and Michael is taking on some freelance jobs and trying to get his name and work out there. We are blessed to have people who are willing to send him work. It's a band-aid for sure at this point, but soon we hope to have a steady flow of incoming work.
You know, I'm not out to "sell" faith. But I do want everyone to know what an amazing gift it is. And the beauty of it is, is that God wants us to take it. I am so damn thankful that I can lean on Him to see us through this because Michael and I, in our human weakness, could never do it alone.
God has blessed us everyday since Michael lost his job. I know He blessed us everyday before that, too. But really, God has put people and resources in our lives every day since June 18. I know God will continue to bless us. Our marriage is strong, the kids have been tremendous, and through this storm, we will cling to our faith and come out on the other side stronger than ever before!
So there it is, in black and white, for all to see.
More later.
