Mother's Day 2015

It has been a year since I have posted.....a year!!!! It is not that I haven't sat down to write, it's just that every time I start, I stop. Not because I don't have anything to say, but because what I have to say is not full of joy and optimism and hope. It is draining and negative and, quite frankly, a downer. Why share that? Right? Well today is different. I will begin by saying that I am a mom to 4 of the most wonderful people I know - each amazing in their own right. I have so much to celebrate and be thankful for, and I am; truly, I am.
But.....in creeps that part that causes me to stop writing every time. This blog began as a way to share what life is like with Kellyanne, a child with special needs. Long ago, I had so  much more energy (or so it seems) and the frustrations were outweighed by the joys. Today, at this very moment I bare my soul and say, I am tired, no exhausted....raising a toddler-teenager is one of the hardest things I have ever done and most days I feel as if I am failing miserably. I am not looking for platitudes or sympathy, it is the god's honest truth. I praise God every day for my husband, Michael. In God's infinite wisdom, He knew that I needed a life partner who could not only sustain me when I could not sustain myself, but sustain our family as well. He is strong when I am weak. He is patient when I am not. His optimism carries me through my most hopeless times. Thank you Michael!
Now the question is, will I hit POST,or will I once again delete, as I feel as if I have dumped a very ugly part of myself for all the world to see. I hate to play the "special needs" card, but sometimes you have to play the hand you are dealt and so I share this tiresome side of raising our very beautiful daughter, Kellyanne. I love her more than words can say, for those who know me, you know this is true. For my fellow special needs parents, I think you get what I am trying to say.
It is a beautiful day - celebrate being a mother. It's what I will try to do today, despite feeling like I am not very good at it some days.